When illness and pain are all consuming

When illness and pain are all consuming.

When illness and pain are all consuming, how do you cope? How can you make sense of such suffering?

I have endured indescribable, intolerable levels of suffering, beyond words and description, lasting decades, not just in the short term. This is no exaggeration. I have felt utterly broken by my experiences, so intense the physical pain. 

In such circumstances, I have found, myself, that the only possibility, is to simply be with it and in it, not to fight against it or be angry with it, for when it still remains, equally agonising, the distress is even greater that it has not diminished or retired completely. Sometimes, however horrendous it is, you may find, as I did, that there was no help, no effective pain killer, no understanding and the only way to live with it is to endure it, each moment at a time, whilst trying to find an inner place with which to survive it. Every ounce of limited energy must be channelled into coping, must, be given over to spiritual maintenance of the self.

In each moment or even each heartbeat between moments, it might be possible to seek or look for God with you, wherever you might feel Him, within your suffering. For He is not, as it might seem, altogether gone or somewhere else far away, but so closely, intimately present, though you still may not feel or know it, due to the intense reality of your pain.

As you cry it, so does He.

As you gasp in torment, so does He.

The Son feels your pain. He knows it totally. He holds you in His own pain,for He is wounded for all time.

The Father holds you so tenderly and gently, so lightly, yet still the pain may block out conscious awareness of His presence and His love for you. As you cry out, the Father must surely weep with you, knowing that you feel Him not, despite His all encompassing compassion for you.

The Spirit brings sustenance. The Spirit alights upon you, holding you in energy so vibrant it must surely heal you, yet still you may struggle.

There is a depth of suffering so deep that not everyone will ever know it or survive it. Yet when you find yourself in this seemingly hopeless, helpless place, it is only God who can sustain you. It is only God who can reach you. It is His Light, His Peace, not of the world, His Holy Heart of Love, which must be sought innerly, in order to endure.

And if you are fortunate and come through it, it is His Peace that transcends all pain, that can comfort and restore you or lift you into His Grace, forevermore.