Wednesday, 20 May 2020

Days that turn


Here is the news: overnight, at the bottom of the garden, six bean plants have sprouted.
Right now, right here, in our tiny world, that is a lifesaver.
On days that are heavy with pain and inability when you cannot think of anything significant to say, you long for, you are desperate for hope.
So I was able to gently give my wife the good news, tell her how after weeks in the dark, our beans have finally come through. It’s a real achievement and that is what you need to hold onto. The joy of new life, growth from the darkness of the soil is inexpressibly wonderful. A gift from God truly on a difficult struggling day.
My wife’s poem sums up the stark emptiness of days like this, days that just “turn without you”:
I live in static land.
Nothing moves forward
Nothing gets sorted.
Nothing gets done,
Everything remains in the same place.
I cannot engage with it.
All I can do is look
And see the need not met.
The bills don’t get filed.
The poems do not get typed up.
The documents disappear from view
and cannot return of themselves.
The pastels remain in the box, gathering dust.
The music that could have been made
Remains uncreated in my head
The book I want to write lays weeping
in some dark corner of my mind, totally out of reach.
The body is numb.
The mind is dull.
The connections between thought are long gone.
    The explanation for this inability still not explicitly given
    Or reassuringly correct
    Another day turns without me
    And everything I hope to do
    Is stuck in static land too.
Only love then, can lead us on through difficult times and keep hope alive.

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